


Ava

by DelphiniGaunt



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician)
Genre: Adoption, Kid Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-08
Updated: 2015-01-23
Packaged: 2017-10-30 19:19:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 20,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/335191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DelphiniGaunt/pseuds/DelphiniGaunt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Tommy's girlfriend dies in childbirth he gives his daughter to an orphanage. 3 1/2 years later Adam and Sauli decide to adopt a kid. NOT Adommy</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. July 2008

**Author's Note:**

> This is in no way an Adommy story. Lambski starts in Chapter 2. I will add more characters when they appear.

** July 2008 **

Tommy leant down and kissed his daughter on the forehead. He took the necklace out of his pocket and fastened it around her neck. He had put a leather rope through his favorite guitar pick. Tommy also had Ava rapped up in her mothers baby blanket. A little piece of both of them for her to have.

He never wanted the kid. But she was so persistent, and so supportive that he was gonna be a good father.  
He was so crazy about Amy, he would do anything to make her happy. Unfortunately that ship had sailed.  
This precious little girl had caused the death of the only person he had ever loved outside of his family. Tommy could never hate Ava though. Death during childbirth is so common. It's not Ava's fault. She didn't do anything wrong. He kept telling himself this.  
Yet Tommy still found himself at an orphanage ready to hand his little girl over.  
He just can't look after her. He has no clue what to do with a kid. This adorable little baby would be better off with a nice loving couple who could take care of her needs.  
Tommy kissed Ava again.  
"Mummy and Daddy love you forever." He whispered against the top of her head.  
He got out of the car and walked around to the passenger side, unclipping the car seat and walked Ava to the front door.  
He took a deep breath before walking inside.  
It was a medium sized reception room. There was a desk at the back to the left, a door next to it. Three chairs lined the right wall and on the left wall was a shelf with lots of brochures.  
A wrinkly old lady greeted him chirpily from behind the desk, asking him how his day had been. He was putting his kid in an orphanage, how did she think his day was.  
"Can we do this as quickly as possible please." Tommy grumbled.  
"Of course. Will you behaving an open or closed adoption?"  
"Closed. Just make sure she has her blanket and necklace."  
"Ok sir, if you could please just fill out this paper work."  
She handed Tommy a booklet of paper work.  
Once Tommy had filled everything out he handed it all to the lady. She put on the glasses that were hanging around her neck and flicked through the pages, slightly nodding her head during so.  
"This seems all correct Mr Ratliff." She mumbled.  
"I have her things in my car. Would you like me to get them?" He asked.  
"That would be much appreciated."  
Tommy walked out the front door and back to his car. He took the duffel bag out of the boot before going back into the orphanage. One he got back inside a woman in what looked to be her early twenties was holding Ava.  
"Here's the stuff." Tommy muttered, placing the bag down on one of the chairs.  
"Hey I'm Sam. I'm one of the helpers here." Said the young lady holding Ava.  
"Tommy." He said wanting to get out of this place as soon as possible.  
"Well everything seems to be in order Mr Ratliff. You're free to go. We will call you if there are any problems with the forms." The old lady said giving him the all clear.  
Tommy calmly left the building and got into his car. Once inside he crossed his arms across the steering wheel and began to cry.


	2. November 2011

November 2011

Sauli's left leg was curled in-between mine, his arm wrapped loosely around my waist and his head was tucked underneath my chin.  
"Baby." He muttered then tilted his head to kiss my neck.  
"Mmmmm." I responded, unable to form a sentence in my post sex state.  
"It's kind of about something important."  
My head suddenly perfectly clear. I sat bolt upright, scared of what my love was going to tell me. He sat up next to me and grabbed my hand, lacing his fingers through mine.  
"What is it?" I asked hoping he wouldn't her the nerves in my voice.  
"Actually, never mind. It's a stupid thought.  
Sauli buried his head in my neck and began tracing small patterns on my hip.  
I gripped his shoulders and pulled him of my neck so I could see his face. I then lightly pecked his lips before starting my rant.  
"Sauli. You are the love of my life. Believe me when I tell you this. When I look at you I see perfection. Even when you look like death. The way you act, to me is perfection. Even when you do something that should thoroughly piss me off. When you talk to me, I always think it's the sweetest sound. Even when you say something mean. So why would you believe that I would consider anything that you think to be stupid? I love you Sauli. So, so much. I promise that you can tell me anything. No matter what it is."  
I kissed him again as a reassurance.  
"I love you too Adam. I just, I don't know how I should say it."  
"Is it a language problem."  
"No. I just am not sure how to tell you."  
I lightly pecked his lips then pulled back and looked into his eyes.  
"Just like a Band-Aid." I said.  
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he opened them again, they bore straight into mine. I reached over and gripped his hand, giving it a slight squeeze.  
"I wanna have a kid." He said quietly.  
My jaw dropped and my body completely froze. I had no clue on how I should respond to that. What do I say? How do I act? A kid. Are we ready for that? Could we handle it? Can we give it everything it needs? Will I have to be home more often?  
"Adam. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up."  
Does he want just one kid, or more eventually. Will we be good role models? What if it hate's one of us? What if it doesn't like my singing?  
"Adam, please baby. Say something."  
I looked up and saw that tears had started to slowly make a path down Sauli's cheeks. Shit I had made my love cry. Say something now. Anything.  
"I...Can.....Were not even married."  
Were not even married? Were not even married?! Seriously Lambert, that's what you come up with. Great now my inner monologue sounds like my idiot brother. I'm just so confused.  
"Baby, we've been together for a year. I love you more than you could possibly imagine. We can't get married because it's illegal in California. But if you really want that then we can go to Finland and get married, or go to New York or something. But I truly believe we are ready for this. I was thinking that because of your touring we wouldn't bed able to have a new born, but we could adopt a toddler. Though we should probably go out of state for it. There will be a smaller chance of paparazzi catching on and that way we will be able to choose a kid and get it settled before the media find out."  
"You've really thought about this." I said cutting off his ramble.  
"Yeah, I have. Of course I will give you as much time as you need to think about this. And I promise that I am totally okay with whatever you want. I was just throwing it out there. I'm tired can we sleep now?"  
"Okay love. I promise I will think hard about this. We can sleep now."  
"Thank you Adam. I love you.  
"I love you too Sauli."  
I lay back down and Sauli moved into his usual position. Legs tangled between mine, arm draped around my waist and head tucked under my chin.  
I let out a content sigh and closed my eyes, letting myself slip into a deep slumber.

\---------------------------

Comments are welcome :D


	3. Late November 2011

Late November 2011

It has been two weeks since I told Adam that I want kids. We haven't spoken about it since then. Adam has been avoiding the subject.  
I put the fish I had just prepared into the oven and then began to get the vegetables ready.  
I felt dm slip his left arm around my waist. He kissed my neck then rested his chin on my shoulder. I twisted my neck round so that I could kiss his full lips, then I went back to cutting lettuce for the salad. Adam continued to hold me and slowly began to rock his hips from side to side.  
"Adam go away. I am attempting to cook you dinner."  
"Is there anything I can taste?" He asked s if he was five.  
"No. Go away."  
But of course he didn't listen to me. He just continued to rock his hips behind me and began to hum a tune in my ear.  
"You got a song stuck in your head or something love?"  
"Nope. Just super happy." He chirped.  
Adam brought his right arm around and placed an envelope on the bench next to the chopping board.  
"It's for you." Adam said excitedly.  
"Adam. What have you done." I asked suspiciously.  
"Open it."  
"My hands are all yuck. Can you just put it in my back pocket. I'll open it later."  
"Okay baby. Just don't forget."  
He unlinked his arm from around me and began fiddling with my jeans trying to stuff the envelope in my pocket. Once he had finally got it in he placed his hand on mine, silently coaxing me to put down the knife. Once I complied he turned me around and kissed me. Once it began to get heated I pulled back. A childish pout appeared on his face.  
"I don't want the dinner to burn. Now go be helpful and set the table." I said as sternly as I could.  
He leant forward and pecked my lips one more time before going off to do his task. I turned around a large smile on my face and continued making the salad.  
Once we had finished cleaning up the dinner mess Adam went into the lounge to watch something on TV that had caught his eye and I went upstairs to the study. I turned on the computer and began to write a new blog. Once I had uploaded one onto both my official website and my Hollywood blog, I texted Katri so that we could Skype.

"Hey Sauli."Katri greeted, waving enthusiastically.  
"Hey Katri." I said waving back.  
Katri was wearing a grey t-shirt with a metallic silver, abstract tree on the front. Her hair was tied back and her fringe was plated down the right of her forehead finishing somewhere behind her ear.  
"I miss you. I said. A small amount of sorrow seeping through my voice.  
"Aww. I miss you too baby. But you're the one that decided to move to a magical castle in an enchanted land far far away to fulfil your fairy tale romance. How is.."  
"I told Adam I want kids." I blurted out cutting her off.  
"Oh my God. I...What...When did you tell him?"  
"Two weeks ago."  
"How did he respond?"  
"First he commented on the fact that we aren't even married yet, but then he promised that he would think about it."  
"Has he said anything to you since then?"  
"No. In fact, he has completely avoided the subject."  
"You really want a kid that badly."  
"So much. Like you wouldn't even know."  
"Do you think that perhaps getting married first might be better?"  
"One, marriage isn't even legal here yet. I told him, if he really wanted to get married that bad we could go to New York. Or better yet, Finland. But marriage is just a written agreement saying we will love each other forever. We already know that though. Doesn't me leaving everything behind, not that I regret it, promise more than a marriage licence."  
"You are gonna get married one day though right?" Katri asked nervously.  
"Of course I wanna get married one day."  
"Ok. But why a child first Sauli?"  
"I remember hearing Leila talking to Scarlett about kids. She said 'You will never know true love until you have a child.' I want that Katri. I already light up every time a child enters the room. I want to know what it would feel like for that child to come running up to me yelling 'Daddy'. I want to stand in the doorway and watch Adam sing the kid to the sleep. I want to teach him or her Finnish and all of my knowledge. Share all of my life experiences with it you know. Plus I wanna buy it super cute outfits."  
"Aww Sauli. I hope it works out for you. You and Adam would make fantastic parents."  
"And you would make a kickass aunty."  
The door of the study opened. Adam came in and stood behind me. He put his left hand on my shoulder and kissed my temple then casually rested his chin on the top of my head. He slung his right arm over my other shoulder and wrapped it around my waist.  
"Hey Adam" Katri greeted, giving him a wave.  
"Hiya gorgeous." He replied  
"So what were y'all talking about?" Adam asked.  
"Kids." Katri said, looking at Adam knowingly.  
"Well then, I guess I'll leave you to it. Night Katri." My heart sunk.  
"Night Adam." Katri said.  
Adam unlinked his arms from around me.  
"I'm gonna go read in bed. Don't be too long love."  
He leaned down and I tilted my head up connecting our lips in a chaste kiss. Adam then walked to the door.  
My face dropped and tears began to well in my eyes.  
"Sauli." Adm said from the doorway.  
"Yeah babe." I said trying to sound happy.  
"Don't forget the envelope."  
He then left the room closing the door behind him. I felt the tears begin to flow down my cheeks. I grabbed the envelope out of my back pocket.  
"What's in it hun?"  
"I have no clue."  
"Well open it then." Katri said sounding excited while still trying to sound empathetic.  
I slowly opened the envelope and pulled out its contents, putting them on the desk. I looked at what it was and my jaw dropped. My tears became those of joy instead of sorrow.  
"What is it."  
"A whole bunch of out of state orphanage brochures." I said. Or at least I hope I said, my mind is so scrambled I could have been talking gobbledy goop.  
"Oh my God. I'm gonna be an aunty." Katri squealed, jumping up and down in her set.  
"Don't worry I won't tell anyone." She finished.  
"I have to go to Adam. Bye Katri. Love you." I said super quickly.  
I exited out of the internet and turned of the computer screen, not bothering to shut it down completely. I then left the study and went to the bedroom. Adam was lying stark naked, waiting for me.  
"Took you long enough." He said playfully.  
I ran and jumped onto the bed, locking my lips to his. I eventually pulled back and we stared into each others eyes.  
"Make love to me."

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Comments make my day :D Suggestions are welcome too.


	4. Early December 2011

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry its a week late. My house has no internet. :( I've published 2 chapers this week and I'll publish 2 chapters next week to make up for it.  
> So Glad Everyone is enjoying the story. It makes me jump up and down with joy :D. Your kudos and comments keep me going :)  
> Sorry the chapters aren't longer. I'm in my final year of school and have lots of homework and study to do on top of this.

Early December 2011

The music was blaring and there were bodies scattered everywhere.  
Adam had called us all around to his house for what he was calling a 'Good News Party'.  
It wasn't a full on drinking party but there were a few drinks. Adam said he didn't want anyone drunk for the announcement. Everyone was mainly just chatting and dancing.  
"If Adam announces he's moving to Scandinavia, nobody will be very happy." Leila joked walking up beside me.  
"Talk for yourself mum. If Adam announces he's moving to Europe I'll have my own "Good News Party'." Neil said laughing.  
"Don't lie Neil. You'd miss your brother lots and lots." I said with a childish tone.  
"And you would probably miss his more than over half of the people here." Leila added.  
"Actually Neil wouldn't miss him. He would just move to Finland with them." I said making Leila laugh.  
"You guys suck."  
"Awww. Poor Neil. Are the big kids making fun of you baby." Brad said walking up and loudly kissing Neil on the cheek.  
"Fuck off Brad."  
"Fine then. Care to dance Tommy?" Brad asked, sticking his hand out to me.  
"No. You know I don't dance."  
"Cheeks. Feels. Rejected." He said putting on a fake pout.  
"I'll dance with you Brad." Leila said.  
"See boys, someone loves me."  
Brad poked his tongue out at us then walked of to the the dance area dragging Leila behind him.  
"Good luck mum." Neil yelled after them.  
"I'm gonna go get a drink."  
I walked to the kitchen and grabbed myself a beer. I went back into the lounge just as the music was turned off.  
Adam and Sauli were standing on a couple of chairs by the window so that everyone could see them.  
"So everyone one was called here today because Sauli and I have some very good news as y'all know." Adam started.  
"So we realised that we are an incredibly boring couple and need a bit more drama in our lives. Sauli actually said something about true love and sharing experiences but, well I mean that's hardly important."  
A chorus of laughter filled the air.  
Adam's last sentence made it sound like they were planning on getting married. I didn't see a ring on either of their fingers though. Maybe  
"Anyway." Sauli said cutting of my thoughts.  
Sauli looked up at Adam, an unshore look adorning his face. Adam rubbed his back reassuringly.  
"You tell them." He said, his voice a tad shaky.  
Sauli took a deep breath before continuing.  
"Adam and I, well, we've decided to adopt a child."  
The whole room was silent for a minute until Neil spoke up and broke the tension.  
"Wait does me being the uncle give me babysitting rights because I really would love the opportunity to screw up your kid."  
The whole room burst into laughter and everyone began to congratulate the guys.  
My mind froze.  
Ava.  
She was all I could think about at this moment. I had been trying to push her to the back of my mind for the past three years. But she never truly left.  
I often wonder what she looks like. I don't even have any photo's of her, not even an ultrasound. I stupidly handed them all over with her. Just like I had stupidly asked for a closed adoption. Now I only have my memory.  
I remember that she had bright blue eyes and red hair like Amy, but her nose and mouth had so closely resembled mine.  
I felt the tears begin to pool in my eyes. I could feel the tears begin to pool in my eyes. I had to leave. If anyone saw me like this they would begin to ask the questions that I wasn't ready to answer. I guess if I left now they would still ask questions. But I would have time to calm down and come up with an answer.  
I mean everyone knows how much I love little kids. I light up every time ones in the room. But I'm always told over the phone or via twitter that they are having them. I have always had time to break down after without anyone seeing me. If anyone knew the truth. Knew that I abandoned my own daughter like that.  
I turned on my heel and ran to the door.  
"Tommy.' I heard Adam shout from behind me.  
But I didn't stop. I ran out of the house and to the nearest bus stop. I planned to go home, draw a bath and drink. Forget about all my problems.  
Forget about Ava.

Comments and kudos are love :D


	5. Late December 2011 (After Finland)

Late December 2011  
(After Finland)

"I'm gonna beat you home." Sauli yelled.  
He laughed as he sprinted of head of me. I didn't bother chasing after him. The view was better from behind than from side on. I just laughed, a content smile on my face. Everything about him was so contagious. His laugh, his smile, his sadness. Although when he's sad I'd do pretty much anything to make him happy again.  
"Come on love. Hurry up." He yelled.  
I chuckled and decided to speed up my pace. I watched him turn up the driveway and disappear out of sight.  
I find it so mesmerizing, so therapeutic, just to watch him. Weather he be running, watching TV, or sleeping. Especially sleeping. My favourite though is watching him dance around the house and sing. During these times he acts as if he hasn't a care in the world. He's off in his own little place in his head, blocking out his surroundings. The people, the noises, the distractions.  
I checked the mailbox once I finally got to the driveway. I grabbed the newspaper and stack of envelopes then headed up to our house.  
Sauli jumped at me as I stepped inside flinging his arms around my waist.  
"I won. You owe me a massage."  
He pecked my lips then ran into the living room, plonking himself onto the couch.  
I chuckled, closed the door behind me, then followed and placed the mail on the coffee table in front of him. I sat behind him on the couch, letting my thighs rest on either side of his hips, then began to rub his shoulders.  
Sauli reached out and grabbed the stack of mail. He chucked the newspaper back onto the table and began to flick through the letters reading what was written on each envelope. One seemed to catch his attention because he froze and his shoulders tensed up.  
"Adam."  
"What is it love?" I replied, leaning my head down to kiss where his shoulder met his neck.  
"The letter from social welfare is here."  
My head jerked up and my hands dropped from his shoulders, ran down his arms and circled round his waist.  
He slowly opened the envelope and pulled out the letter. Unfolding it at what seemed to be a snails pace.  
"We were approved." He shouted excitedly, before I even had the chance to red the first word.  
He spun around, pushing my legs together and straddling my hips. He then crashed his lips to mine. My lips parted and his tongue darted into my mouth and began to battle with mine.  
We pulled apart once we were both gasping for breath.  
"We are going to adopt a kid." I said shocked, my mouth still hanging open slightly.  
"Adam, were gonna be dads." Sauli said, completely ecstatic.  
I could see the tears of happiness begin to form in his eyes and I could feel them forming in mine.  
Sauli got of me, standing up, grabbing my hand and lead me towards the bedroom.  
'I really hope I don't fuck this parenting thing up.' Was all I could think as we walked up the stairs.


	6. Early January 2012

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have changed America's law to make gay adoption legal in all states. :D The marriage laws are still the same tho. :(  
> I know this isn't how the adoption process works in RL but this is how it works in my story.  
> Thank you all for reading. Your comments inspire me.

Early January 2012

Adam parked the car outside the orphanage. Once he had turned the engine off we just sat there silent and unmoving. After a few minutes of the silence reached over and gripped his hand in mine. His palm was sweaty and I could feel him shaking slightly.  
He looked at me and I could see the fear in his eyes. I brought my other hand up to cup his cheek and he leaned into the touch. I run my thumb gently over his cheek bone then I unclipped my seatbelt and lent over the console and pecked his lips. I rested our foreheads together.  
"Adam. Listen to me. You're gonna be a great dad. We are both going to be great dads. And we are lucky that we have each other to fall back on during this process as well as your family and friends. They offered to help as much as possible."  
"Our lives will be pretty much over." He muttered.  
"No. You will continue working. I'll finally have a job for while you're away. And when we want some time for ourselves Leila can baby sit. She managed you and Neil for nearly thirty years. I'm sure she can handle a toddler. We’re going to be fine. Trust me. Trust yourself."  
"Ok" He said quietly.  
"Ok" He said again, with a little bit more assertiveness this time.  
"I love you Sauli." He said, the confidence slowly seeping back into his voice.  
"I love you too baby. Soo much. Now we have to go inside and choose a child to take home."  
I pecked his lips once more before we both got out of the car. Adam walked around to my side of the car then we walked into the orphanage hand in hand.  
It wasn't a very big reception room. There was a dark mahogany desk at the back wall a bit to the left, a door was next to it. Three seats lined the right wall and on the left wall was a shelf with lots of brochures lining it.  
I sat down on one of the chairs and Adam walked over to the desk, ringing the little silver bell that sat on top of it, then came and joined me on the seats. He put one arm around my waist and I brought my hand up placing it on top of his on my hip, lacing our fingers together. He rested his head on my shoulder and I could feel that his breathing was jaggered. I placed my other hand on the inside of his lower thigh, close to his knee and gave it a small reassuring squeeze.  
An old lady walked in the room causing Adam and I to stand up extremely quickly. He unhooked his arm from around my waist and instead grasped my hand in a death grip.  
"You must be Mr Lambert and Mr Koskinen. I'm Marie. How has your day been so far?"  
"Please call us Adam and Sauli. And to answer your question Marie, it has been very nerve wracking."  
"Ah, yes, well that is completely understandable Mr Lambe...Adam." She corrected.  
"Now if you would kindly follow me. You won't need to fill out any paper work unless you find a child to adopt."  
She led us out the door and down a hallway to a door marked 'Playroom'. Inside there were about twenty kids ranging from two to five.  
"Well, talk to the kids, get to know them. I hope you find a child that will fit into your family. I you have any questions feel free to ask any of the staff members walking around. If you do find your new son or daughter here, just come to the front reception, I should be there, and we will fill out the appropriate paperwork, then we will collect the child and its belongings and you will be free to go.  
"Thank you." I said.  
She then turned and left the room. I looked round the room, wondering where to begin. A little boy ran up to us. He had brown hair that looked as if it couldn't be tamed. He was wearing a whit polo shirt with and some navy blue sweatpants. He finished the outfit off with a pair of white sneakers.  
"Hi I'm Marcus. I'm four years old. What's your names?"  
"I'm Adam and this is my boyfriend, Sauli."  
"I like your names." Marcus stated bluntly.  
"Well thank you." I said chuckling slightly.  
"Do you wanna come and see my picture."  
"Yeah. We'd love to." I said, answering my question as to where we were going to start.  
I looked over to Adam, but he wasn't paying attention. Instead, he was focused on a group of girls at the back wall playing dress up.  
Marcus grabbed my hand and dragged me off to a table near the centre of the room. Adam refocused his attention and followed behind us. Sitting at the table were two boys who I am guessing were about the same age as Marcus. They had blonde hair and were both dressed in red track pants and blue t-shirts, horribly styled. Must have dressed themselves. Definitely twins.  
"These are my friends James," He pointed to the one on the left.  
"And Andrew."  
"Hi." They both said in unison. We sat down on the tiny chairs at the table.  
"This is my picture." Marcus said focusing the attention back on him.  
He held up his drawing. i couldn't quite make out what is was.  
"It's my playground tht I'm gonna build one day. This is the slide. It's right up to the sky nd then you slide down into a huge, huge, huge pool the size of the whole town thats filled with dolphins. And this one is the swing. It's made of lollies and chocolate. And this one is the fire mans sliding pole. You have to climb up the ladder and slide down. But when you slide down you slide into a pool. But this one’s different to the other one. This one’s made of coke.  
"That is such a cool playground. Can I come and play there once it's built?" I asked  
"Yeah, Of course. I'd love for you to come and play. Do you want to come to Adam?"  
When Adam didn't answer I looked over to him. He was looking at the dress up box again. This time there was only one girl there. I nudged him with my elbow.  
"Hm, yeah. I'd love to play at your playground one day."  
"Adam pay attention. We can go to the costumes next." I whispered in his ear.  
"It's not that. A girl at the costume box keeps trying to play with people but no one will play with her. It's unsettling that she's being ostracised like that." He whispered back.  
"Ostracised?" I asked, unsure of the meaning.  
"Left out. It's a form of bullying."  
"Do you wanna see our picture now? We drew it together." James asked.  
"Sure." Adam said.   
"What's your job?" Marcus asked once the twins had finished telling us the long story about their drawing of monsters.  
"Well, I'm a singer." Adam said.  
"Awesome. Can you sing a song for us?" Andrew asked.  
Adam cleared his throat and then sang a few lines from 'Whataya Want From Me'.  
"Wow, you're amazing." James said.  
"You should sing for everyone." Marcus decided.  
"I'll go get a teacher and ask if you can sing for everyone. Marcus told Adam before running off to one of the staff members.  
Adam followed behind and began to talk to the female staff member. After a short talk, Adam came back over to me and the lady walked over to a bell that was hanging from the roof and rung it three times.  
"What song should I sing."  
"Better Than I Know Myself. It sounds really good acoustic."  
"Shh. Miss Carson rung the silence bell." Andrew told us.  
"Ok, everyone sit on the mat. Adam here is gonna sing a song for us all." Miss Carson told the room.  
All the kids talked excitedly as they ran over to the mat. I sat at the back of the mat so that I wasn't blocking anyone's way and Adam sat at the front on a stool that one of the staff had set out for him. Next to me was a little girl. She looked to be about three. She had shoulder length red hair and piercing blue eyes. The shape of her nose strangely reminded me of Tommy's.  
"Hello everyone. My name is Adam."  
"Good morning Adam." All the kids shouted in chorus.  
"I'm gonna be singing a song called Better Than I Know Myself."  
He did a few vocal preparations, then was ready to sing.  
"Cold as ice."  
The girl next to be began to play the guitar she was holding. It wasn't the right chords obviously but she was strumming mostly in time with the song.  
"And more bitter than a December."  
Adam suddenly stopped singing.  
"Little girl at the back with the guitar." He said  
She stopped playing immediately.  
"Come up here, sit next to me."  
She looked at me unsure. I stood up, grabber her hand, and led her to Adam. I grabbed a chair from the closest table for her to sit on then went back to my spot at the back of the mat.  
"What’s your name?" He asked her sweetly.  
"Smelly." A random girl from the mat called out meanly making all the kids laugh.  
This must be the bullied girl from the dress up box that Adam was talking about.  
"Missy." Miss Carson scolded.  
"My name is Ava." Ava said quietly.  
"Well Ava, I noticed your fantastic guitar playing and thought you might want to sit up here and play it for everyone while I sing."  
She nodded her head shyly.  
"Don't be shy sweetheart. Ok, so, why don't you start playing and then I'll start singing." He told her.  
She started strumming slowly, a smile creeping onto her face. It was really cute watching her ply the guitr while clutching her security blanket in her hand.  
Adam started to sing. During the song he kept looking over to Ava and smiling. Towards the end of the song he put his arm around her shoulder protectively.  
By the time the song was finished I knew that Ava was going to be our new daughter.


	7. Early January 2012 (Bonus Chapter)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the bonus chapter I promised y'all :D

Early January 2012  
(Bonus Chapter - Adam's POV)

I sat in the middle of my family. My partner on my left and my daughter on my right. My family. Normally when I thought of my family I thought of mum, dad and Neil. But now I have a family of my own. It was all so crazy to think about.  
I'm still not sure if I'll be a good dd but I know that Sauli will. I must not be that be that bad though cause she is no longer shy around Sauli and I. But whether I'm a good dad or not, I'm ready. I'm ready to be a father.  
"Adam." Ava said from next to me.  
"Yes sweetheart." I said turning my head to look at her.  
"When are we gonna start flying?"  
"Soon. I promise."  
"Are you excited too Sauli?" She asked, leaning forward to look around me.  
"Yeah I'm super excited. I love flying. Don't forget to look out the window when we go up."  
"I won’t. Will this plane take us to your house?"  
"Well, the plane will take us to the airport and then your new grandma, my mum, will take us to our house."  
"Why do we have to go to the airport first?"  
"The airport is where the plane lives. So the plane flies to its home then we drive to our home." Sauli told her.  
"Oh. I bet your home is cooler than the planes home though."  
"Of course it is. But remember. It's your home now too." I told her.

Mum met us at the gate, a huge smile on her face. She gave me a hug and a kiss then looked at Sauli. va sat on his hip, head buried in his neck and her blankey still tight in her grip.  
"Hi. I'm nana Leila. What's your name?" Mum said.  
Ava clung tighter to Sauli, still shy around strangers.  
"It's ok baby. This is Adam's mum. She's really nice." Sauli told her, then kissed her head.  
Ava lifted her head up to look at mum.  
"I'm Ava." She said quietly.  
"That's a very pretty name. It suits you cause you're a very pretty girl."  
Mum then looked directly at me.  
"I especially like your pretty red hair."  
I just smiled.  
"Well. I thought I better at least pretend I am carrying on the Lambert gene."  
We all chuckled. Ava reached her arms out, stretching them towards mum. Mum took her from Sauli placing Ava on her own hip.  
"Can I tell you a secret nana Leila?" Ava asked.  
"Of course angel."  
"You're really pretty too."  
She smiled at mum and mum kissed her forehead.  
"Thank you." Mum replied, her voice raspy.  
I saw the tears begin to trickle down mum's cheeks so I eloped her in a hug, wrapping my arms tightly around her and Ava. I reached one of my arms out grabbing Sauli and pulling him into the hug too.  
"I love you mum."  
"Love you too Ad, and you as well Sauli. I love you all."  
"And me?" Ava asked.  
"Yeah. I love you angel. Now let’s get you lot home."

I tucked Ava into her bed. We brought her some clothes on the way home but didn't buy bedding, so for now she just had a cream coloured duvet. Sauli and I didn't want to decorate the room until we had chosen a kid. We wanted them to he a room that matched their personality. Ava's probably old enough to pick the colour of her own room anyhow.  
I stared at Ava smiling. Everything felt so surreal. I was tucking my daughter into her bed. I'm not sure how long it will take me to get used to this. I felt Sauli grab my hand and I looked at him. He looked exactly how I felt.  
"This isn't a dream." I muttered, still somewhat unsure.  
"Definitely not a dream." He reassured, squeezing my hand tighter.  
I pecked his lips.  
"Can you sing me to sleep please Adam?" Ava asked quietly.  
"Of course sweetheart."  
I began singing the acoustic version of aftermath, only stopping once her breathing had slowed and her eyelids had fluttered closed.  
"Goodnight sweetheart."  
I kissed her forehead then stepped back to watch Sauli go through the same notions I just had. I couldn't help but smile, he just suited being a dad so fucking much. I knew he would.  
We walked out of the room hand in hand, leaving the door slightly ajar.  
Once we were in our bedroom, I turned to look t Sauli.  
"We have a daughter. We're dads." I said then kissed him.  
The kiss was deep and passionate. My life was great.


	8. Mid January 2012

Mid January 2012

I’m not sure if Adam believed me when I told him that I was sick so I ‘unfortunately’ couldn’t meet his new daughter. I thought as I strummed a random tune on my guitar. It’s weird. I was fine meeting Riff and my niece and my mates kids but I just can’t seem to pull myself together and meet Adam and Sauli’s kid. Adam and Sauli are like my brothers, so it should be easy. Right? It should be like it was meeting Bridget for the first time.  
I think it’s the fact that they adopted their kid that affects me so much. Their child’s birth parents abandoned her like I did Ava. I wish I could go back and keep her. Sure if I had kept her I wouldn’t have auditioned for Adam’s band and I would probably be sitting in a cubicle right now with a phone attached to my ear, but at least I would have her. My little piece of Amy.  
If there was any possible way I could get her back I would do it.  
I grabbed my glass of whisky of the coffee table and took a sip. Look at yourself Tommy Joe. It’s noon and your already drinking.  
Maybe if I ring the orphanage I can arrange to visit Ava. If she hasn’t been adopted already that is.   
I put my guitar back on its rack in the corner. I then pulled up Google and found the number then grabbed the phone of the kitchen counter before sitting back down and dialling. I finished the last of my whiskey as I nervously waited for someone on the end to pick up.  
A woman answered. She sounded like she was in her twenties, thirties maybe.  
“Hello. My name is Claire Roberts. How may I help you?”  
“Hey, I’m Tommy Joe Ratliff and I um, well I left my new born, Ava, with you guys three years ago and I was wondering if there was any way I could come and visit her”  
“Wait. Tommy as in Adam Lambert’s bassist Tommy. Your Ava’s dad.”  
“Actually, I’m the lead guitarist now. But can we please get back to Ava.”  
“Oh, right, of course, sorry. I’ll just run your names.”  
There was a short silence on the other end then suddenly Claire started laughing.  
“Oh wow. This is crazy.”  
“What is?” I asked, frustrated with her comedic view of this situation.  
“Oh nothing. Sorry. That was really inappropriate.”  
No shit idiot.  
“Unfortunately Ava was adopted. She was adopted this month actually.”  
“Who by.”  
“Because you asked for a closed adoption it would be a breach of confidentiality for me to tell you. I wasn’t even supposed to tell you that she had been adopted.”  
“Is there any way I could switch to a open adoption.”  
“No sorry. I really wish I could help.” Claire said sounding genuinely upset.  
“Ok. I understand. You’re just doing your job.”  
“Ok so here’s where it’s at. I’m a huge fan and Ava was one of the children I was assigned to help so at the risk of my job I’m going to tell you this. Ava has long hair down to her waist. She was constantly playing dress up and strumming on her toy guitar I got her for Christmas. I actually got it for her because I thought her nose looked like yours. Sam didn’t believe me when I told her though. She said I was just imagining it because I was a fan. But look who was right. Ava does have your cute upturned nose. Right sorry for rambling back to Ava. She was socially awkward and never really got on with the other kids. Shoot I can hear someone coming.”  
“Thank you Claire. I’ll sent a few autographs your way for helping me.”  
“Oh my god. Thank you so much. So will that be Thursday or Friday Mr Pats?“  
“What...?” I asked confused.  
“Ok coast is clear. Look I promise you will see Ava again. In fact I’m surprised you haven’t seen her already.”  
I heard a click, indicating that she had hung up.  
“Fuck.” I cursed to myself.  
I don’t care what she said. I’m probably never gonna see my daughter again.  
I felt the tears trickle down my cheeks and quite frankly I didn’t want to stop them. I poured myself another glass of whiskey then swallowed the whole lot down. I then brought my legs up to my chest and curled into a ball on the couch. I closed my eyes and began to rock back and forth. I couldn’t stop thinking about my baby.  
Where was she? Does she still have her mother’s blankey and my guitar pick necklace? Who were her parents? Fuck. What if she was adopted by some crazy ass red neck republicans. Oh god. What have I done.  
Ok calm down Tommy Joe. It’s highly unlikely that she is with republicans. Stop worrying yourself.  
I heard feet shuffling around me and figured Isaac and Sophie must be home from their lunch date. They were whispering quietly to each other. It wasn’t until I heard a child’s voice that I actually started listening.  
“Should I hug him better?” The girl asked.  
“Yeah. He’d like that.” Adam responded.  
Or at least it sounded like Adam. Why was he here? Why didn’t he knock? Why would he just barge in uninvited?  
I felt the couch cushion sink a bit and a pair of small arms wrap around my waist.  
“It’s okay Tommy. Don’t cry. I’ll protect you from all the bad things.”  
I felt her kiss my cheek and decided that I should probably open my eyes. Even with my eyes open though, I couldn’t see anything due to the mass amounts of tears. After a failed attempt at blinking them away I wiped them away with the back of my hand.  
I looked to Adam and Sauli’s new daughter and it all hit me at once.  
Waist length red hair. Her mother’s eyes. My nose. My guitar pick necklace. Amy’s security blanket.  
“Ava.”


	9. Mid January 2012 (Part 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has been reading. It means a lot. Your comments inspire me :D

Mid January 2012

“Ava.” Tommy muttered.  
“So, Isaac and Sophie filled you in on the details then?” Sauli asked Tommy.  
“I was told the basics. Name, hair colour and length, how much she likes playing guitar and dress-up’s.” He explained  
I could see the happiness seeping back into Tommy’s face as he and Ava hugged.  
“We brought tacos for lunch.” I announced.  
I then walked into the kitchen. I put our tacos on plates and put the noodles I got Ava into a bowl for her. I then went back out to the lounge with our food. I sat next to Sauli on the loveseat and Tommy and Ava were still sitting side by side on the couch.  
“Adam. I really need to go wees.” Ava told me, bouncing in her seat.  
“I’ll take you.” Tommy said before anyone else could respond.  
He put their plates on the coffee table then grabbed her hand and walked her out of the room.  
“What do you think is wrong?” Sauli asked me.  
“I honestly have no clue. I’ll ask him once we are alone.”  
I pecked Sauli on the lips right before Tommy and Ava came back in, still holding hands.  
We finished lunch in mostly silence. Only engaging in occasional small talk with Ava.  
Sauli collected our plates up and was walking into the kitchen when Isaac and Sophie arrived home. By this point Tommy had Ava back on his knee, one arm wrapped protectively around her chest and his head was nuzzled into her hair.  
It warmed my heart to see them getting along so well. I had a felling that Tommy would love her.  
Sauli came back in and upon seeing Isaac and Sophie, detoured from his path back to me in order to greet them with a hug. When they came over to hug me I whispered in Isaac’s ear.  
“Can you entertain Ava so I can talk to Tommy?”  
“Ava do you want to come check out my drum set?” Isaac asked her.  
“Yep Can I play on it too. I promise I’ll be super careful.”  
“Of course you can gorgeous.”  
She went to get of Tommy’s lap but he just held on tighter. She looked up at his face.  
“Tommy you have to let go so I can get up. Silly Billy.”  
He let go and she got up and ran over to Isaac.  
“Can I come too.” Sauli asked, standing up.  
“Yeah. I’d love for you to come Sauli. Do you wanna come to Adam?” Av asked.  
“Another time sweat heart. I’m going to talk to Tommy. Have fun.”  
“Ok. Let’s go.”  
Ava grabbed Isaac and Sauli’s hand and let the lead her down the hall. Sophie following behind them.  
I got up out of my seat and went and sat next to Tommy on the couch. He wrapped his rms around my waist and buried his head in my neck. I ran my fingers through his hair soothingly.  
“What’s wrong Tommy Joe?” I asked worried.  
“I did a terrible thing Adam.”  
Do you want to tell me about it?”  
“I can’t. I’m sorry. Everyone will hate me.”  
“Nobody could ever hate you. I respect that you don’t want to talk about it now, but just know that I’m always here if you need someone to talk to.”  
“Thank you Adam.”  
Tommy clung to me even tighter and we just hugged in silence for god knows how long. Blocking out the sound of the drums in the background. I wanted to ask him why he was so close to Ava after ignoring her existence for a week.  
We parted when everyone came back in.  
“It must be time to go home then.” I announced walking over to Sauli and Ava.  
“Yep. I’m pretty much tired.” Ava said wiping her eyes and yawning.  
Tommy, Isaac and Sophie walked us to the door.  
Sauli and I hugged Isaac and Sophie, saying our goodbyes. I then turned to Tommy. I pulled him in for a hug and whisper sang in his ear.  
“If, there is a load, you have to bear, that you can’t carry. I’m right up the road, I’ll share your load, if you just call me.”  
Tommy shoved me back whilst laughing.  
“Cheesy fucker.”  
Sauli and I grabbed one of Ava’s hand each and we walked across the lawn to the road where I had parked the car.  
“He Adam.” Tommy called out once we were halfway there.  
I stopped in my tracks and turned to look at him.  
“Thank you.”  
The corner of his lips turned upward slightly, forming a small smile.  
“Any time.”


	10. Late January 2012

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. Sorry it took so long for me to update. I took a step back and took a good look at where I want this story to go. I have decided that I need to make my school work a priority instead of this so my updates wont be weekly like they have been. Hopefully that means my chapters will be longer as I will have more time to write them :D Definitely not putting this story on hiatus just making the updates more spontaneous. Loving all of y'all's comments. They truly do inspire me.  
> Enjoy :D
> 
> P.s Isa means "Daddy" in Finnish ":D

Late January 2012

I took out the DVD and switched off the Tv.  
"Bedtime now Ava." Adam said.  
We walked her to her room and tucked her in.  
I sat on the edge of her bed and Adam sat behind me, legs on either side of my hips and one of his arms was wrapped around my waist. He rested his cheek against my back in order to look at Ava.  
"Now remember Ava. I'm not gonna be here tomorrow when you wake up." Adam reminded her.  
"Yep, I remember. You are gonna have your birthday singing in the coldness."  
"You make it sound horrible." Adam accused.  
"Well it will be. We live were it's all the year, and you want to go to Aurit, no Arist, I dunno, where the place is your going where it's freezing and not sunny. It seems silly to me not sounds like a very fun birthday."  
"Well you know perfectly well that I'm a silly man." Adam responded.  
He crawled over and began to tickle her sides. She began to squirm, her arms and legs flying everywhere.  
I hopped of the bed quickly so as not to be hit by the two of them.  
"Help! Save me isa." Ava yelled at me.  
"Nope. Daddy's on my side. Nana, nana, na, na." Adam replied.  
I couldn't help but smile. I still remember the first time she called me isa so clearly.

Ava skipped into the lounge, where me and Adam were cuddled on the couch watching Tv, her dress swishing with the movement. She jumped onto the couch, wedging her way between Adam and I.  
"Aunty Katri is soo cool!" She said, a huge smile on her face.  
"Yeah she is." I said in agreement.  
I couldn't be any happier that my little girl got along so well with my best friend.  
"What did you guys talk about?" Adam asked her.  
"She told me funny stories about her and Sauli doing stuff."  
"Like what?" I asked, kinda worried.  
"Like when you walked around in blue outfits with ski's. And then she told me when you tried to buy something from the shop man with one million trillion dollars. And then the shop man said no." She said giggling the whole way through.  
"That is pretty funny." Adam told her.  
"She also told me how to say some things finland."  
"What did your Aunty Katri teach you to say."  
"She teached me to say Moi. Which is hi. Then she teached me to say rakastan sinua isa."  
I felt the tears pool in my eyes. I pulled her in for a hug and pressed a ton of kisses to the top of her head. She turned in my arms to Adam who was looking very confused.  
"I love you too dad." She said sweetly.  
Adam's face lit up with joy and love. Tears instantly began to trickle down his face. I put my arm out, pulling Adam into our hug. Our first official family hug.

"I refuse to take part in this. I am Finland. Cause Finland is so much cooler than Switzerland." I said, standing my ground.  
"Oh, I see how it is. It's ok my love. We wont make you pick a side." Adam told me grinnig from ear to ear, making me worried.  
He stopped tickling Ava to whisper something in her ear. They both then started making their way towards me. As they got closer I realised it was probably time for me to make a mad dash for the door. Unfortunately I was only made it half way there when Adam cought me, grabbing me around the waist and throwing me onto the bed. They both began to tickle me all over and I quickly became out of breath.  
"Ok. Let's stop now so that your daddy can breath properly." Adam said to our daughter.  
They both stopped tickling me and Ava kindly helped me sit up. I tucked her back under the blankets and Adam and I went back to our original positions on the edge of the bed.  
"Can we visit Tommy tomorrow isa?"  
"I'll have to call him first, but I'm sure that will be fine."  
"Sing me to sleep dad."  
Adam sang Whataya Want From Me to her.  
"Goodnight Ava." Adam said before leaning down to kiss her forehead.  
I did the same then we walked to the door.  
"Goodnight dad. Goodnight isa."  
"Sweet dreams." I said to her.  
Adam turned the light off then grabbed my hand, linking our fingers together. We left the room leaving the door slightly ajar and went to our bedroom.

My eyes fluttered open and I stretched my limbs out making full use of the large king size bed. After a while I realized how quiet the house was. Hmmm, that's strange. Ava's always the first to wake up and is normally making some sort of racket downstairs.  
I put on my trackpants and got out of bed, opening the curtains in order to let the sun in.  
Adam and I started keeping a pair of trackpants each under our pillows after the awkwardness of the first time Ava asked to sleep in our bed due to a nightmare. I felt so mean telling her to wait in the hallway so that we could 'get the bed set up for her' when really we just needed to put some clothes on.  
I went downstairs and into the kitchen, getting out all the ingredients needed to make pancakes. I then rang Tommy and arranged for Ava and I to come over after breakfast.  
Once I had made the pancake mixture I walked down the hallway and into Ava's room. I peaked inside to see my darling daughter curled up in a ball, her blankets pushed down to her feet. I walked to her side and was about to shake her shoulder in order to wake her up when I noticed that she was clutching what looked to be a photo in her hands. I know that it's probably bad parenting but curiosity got the better of my and I pryed the photo from Ava's fingers being careful not to wake her. I saw the back first. There was something hand written on it.  
'Tommy, Amy and baby Ava.'  
Well that explained why she was so close to Tommy. I thought it was strange that she attatched herself to him so quickly. He has the same name as her real dad.  
I flipped the photo over and gasped at what I saw. It was a picture of Tommy Joe standing next to a very pregnant woman. Why the fuck didn't Tommy tell us he had a kid? Why did he put Ava up for adoption? Why didn't he tell us that Ava was his daughter when we first took Ava over to meet him? Where did Ava get this photo from?  
Ava began to stir, her hand going up to rub her eyes.  
"Morning isa." She said sleepily.  
"Good morning baby girl." I said.  
"Are you okay? You look sorta funny." Ava asked me.  
She looked down at the photograph in my hands.  
"I'm sorry for keeping a secret from you isa."  
"Where did you get this?" I asked her.  
"I has it forever with all my stuff from my old house." She said.  
"Are you sure. You didn't maybe take it from Tommy's house when we visited."  
"Nope. Because I learnded that taking other peoples things are bad."  
"Ok. Thats a good thing to know."  
"Am I in trouble."  
"No of course not." I said reasurring her.  
"Do you want to show Tommy the photo when we go to visit him today?" I asked, hoping she would say yes.  
"Yeah. I tink that a good idea." She said after thinking it over for a short while.  
"Ok, well why don't you get dressed. I'm making pancakes. Then after breakfast we'll go show Tommy the photo."  
"Yay." She yelled excitedly, then quickly jumped out of bed.  
I went back into the kitchen and began to put the pancake mixture into the fry pan.


	11. Late January 2012 (Part 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long to update. Final year of high school doesn't leave you much spare time.  
> Thank you all for your comments, they have been so inspirational. So glad you're enjoying it :D  
> Special thank you to Vanessa, you're comment made me teary (In a good way). :')  
> Hope you all enjoy this chapter I wrote this with ya'll in mind. Please continue leaving comments :D

Late January 2012 (Part 2)

I was sitting in my pyjamas, navy blue flannel pants with a white thermal, curled up on the couch with a coffee in my hands and a blanket wrapped snugly around myself, when there was a knock at the door.  
“Come in, it’s open.” I yelled out cause I couldn’t be bothered moving.  
I was still gutted that I couldn’t go to Austria with Adam and the band. I had to go and Not being able to go to Austria put me in a funk. I didn’t feel like seeing anyone or doing anything.  
But of course when Sauli called offering to bring Ava over I couldn’t say no.  
“Tommy we had pancakes for breakfast.” Ava yelled, running into the room and jumping onto the couch next to me.  
“Is your arm all better yet?  
“Nope. I still have my cast on.” I said showing her my midnight black cast.  
“Hey. I have some errands I have to run. Would you be able to look after Ava for an hour or two.”  
“Yeah sure. I’d be happy to.” I said excited to be able to spend one on one time with Ava.   
“Yep we can watch movies and play princesses. Were gonna have lots and lots of fun.” Ava told Sauli.  
Sauli pulled his keys out of his pocket and walked to the door.  
“Have fun and be good. I’ll be back later.” He yelled in our direction as he walked outside.  
“Can we dress up in princess outfits and watch Barbie movies?” Ava asked me.  
“Well I don’t own any dress ups or Barbie movies but I’ll tell you what. Tomorrow I’ll go buy some so that next time you come over I will be prepared for fun.”  
“Ok. What should we do then?” She inquired.  
“Well I have lots of sheets. We could make princess dresses out of them.”  
“Yep. And we could use the rest of them and make a giant castle for us to live inside. And I can be the princess and you can be the king.”  
The king. Right, yeah. That’s the princesses father.  
“Of course I can do your make-up. But how about I be the Dragon and Sauli can be the King when he gets home.”  
“Ok.” She said sounding slightly dejected.  
“Let’s make the castle first then we can make our costumes.” I said cheering up Ava.  
“Wait here and I will go get the stuff needed.”  
I stood up and walked down the hall to the linen closet. I grabbed a whole bunch of sheets and headed back to the lounge. I chucked the pile of sheets and went back to the lounge. I chucked the pile of sheets onto Ava, getting her all tangled in them.  
“Hey.” She complained.  
She giggle and I could see the pile of sheets moving as she attempted to untangle herself. By the time she was free she was laughing so hard that her face had turned bright red.  
“I’m going to get some pegs from the washing line. Why don’t you think of some ideas for when I get back.” I suggested.  
“Ok.” She answered.  
I walked out the back door and grabbed the bucket of pegs from next to the washing line.  
When I got back inside I found all the chairs from the dining table had been put in a large circle around the sofa set.  
“If we tie the sheets to the fan on the roof and then sticky tape them to the chairs then we can have a triangle castle.” She said showing her high levels of intelligence.  
“That’s a great idea.” I told her feeling incredibly proud to be her dad. No Tommy. You’re not her dad anymore. You gave that up when you dumped her at the orphanage.  
I heard the front door open and close.  
“I’m home.” Sophie yelled out to us.  
“We’re in the lounge.” I called back just as loud.  
When she entered the room and saw the state the lounge was in she turned to me, a puzzled look on her face.  
“What are you guys up to.” She asked slowly as if wondering if she really wanted to know the answer or not.  
“We are making a castle. Do you want to help us aunty Sophie?” Ava said.  
Sophie’s face lightened, indicating that she understood why the lounge looked as it did now.  
“I can stay for a little bit but then I have to go and talk to your uncle Isaac on the computer.”  
“Yay.” Ava said excitedly, jumping up and down.  
Ava pulled Sophie and I into a huddle. She spent at least five minutes making sure we were entirely aware of what the game plan was.  
“Now, Sophie, before you start doing your tasks I think you should put on some music.” Ava instructed.  
“Yes ma’am.” Sophie said mock saluting Ava.  
This sent her into a fit of giggles.  
Everyone quickly got to work stacking chairs and hanging up sheets. All the while dancing and singing along to the cd Sophie put on. About half an hour later, after plenty of building, singing, dancing and giggling we finally had a finished castle to play in.  
“I hate to go guy’s but Isaac will be calling any minute. Sorry.” Sophie said.  
“Ok. Bye bye auntie Sophie. Tell uncle Isaac I love him.” Ava told her.  
“Hey Tommy.”   
“Yeah.” I responded.  
“Be careful of your wrist.”  
“Yes mum.” I said cockily.  
Ava started laughing uncontrollably.  
“You called her mum. She’s not your mum.” She attempted to say through laughs.  
“Yeah. It is pretty funny aye.” I said.  
“Yeah it is.”  
“Ok, well bye guys. Have fun in your castle.”  
“Bye Auntie Sophie.”  
“Bye Soph.”  
She walked down the hallway, closing the hall door behind her.  
I turned to Ava.  
“So should we start on costumes now?” I asked her.  
“Yep. I need a princess outfit and you need a dragon outfit.” She told me.  
We began to make the costumes. I clad her in one of Sophie’s singlets. It was pink and glittery and due to it being way to big for Ava as a singlet it fitted perfectly as a dress. I wore a red t shirt and some black skinny jeans. I had one sleeve of a red hoodie of Isaacs shoved down the back of my pants in order to look like a tail. I then did her make up so that she looked like a ‘real princess’.  
“I don’t want you to be a mean dragon though Tommy. You have to be my pet dragon like in the Barbie Rupunzel movie. And you can keep me safe from evil witches.” I was informed.  
“Do pet dragons get to live inside the castle?” I inquired.  
“Of course they do silly. You might get cold if you sleep outside the castle.”  
“Well then, thank you your highness.” I said bowing.  
She giggled and grabbed my hand, pulling me inside our makeshift castle.  
After about an hour of playing around there was a knock at the door.  
“Go see who wants to visit the princess dragon.” Ava instructed me.  
I crawled out of the castle before standing up and walking to the door.  
I opened it to find Sauli standing there a smile on his face.  
“Hey.” He said.  
“Welcome back. Come in.”  
“Who is it?” Ava asked me yelling across the house.  
“It’s his majesty the King your highness.” I yelled back.  
“This way your majesty. Her highness has been waiting for you.”  
I then leaned in close and whispered in Sauli’s ear.  
“We built a castle. Ava is the princess, you are the king and I am the talking pet dragon,”  
“Ahhh. That makes a bit more sense.”  
We walked to the living room and entered the castle.  
“Hi Isa.” Ava said, running up to Sauli and hugging him.  
I felt an unnessesary serge of jelousy. Stop it Tommy. You have no claim to her. You gave that up when you stupidly gave her to that orphanage.  
“Do you like our castle isa? Aunty Sophie helped us build it.”  
“Is so pretty sweetheart. Just like you.” He said kissing her forhead.  
“So my princess. Do you think we should have our very important conversation with your pet dragon about that photograph now?”  
“Yep.”  
“What photo.” I asked confused as to what they were talking about.  
“Let’s sit down first.” Sauli said seriously.  
I was suddenly very happy that the castle was built with the couch and comforter on the inside. I sat down getting myself nice and comfortable. Ava ans Sauli sat down opposite my on the couch. Sauli sat forward, his hands clasped on his knees looking serious and business like and Ava was curled into his side clinging onto his sleeve with both hands.  
“I’m not to sure how I should approach this matter so I’m just gonna say it. This morning when I went to wake Ava up I found her clutching this photograph.”  
He handed me a photo. I took a deep breath before looking down at it. I recognized it straight away. I felt the tears pour down my face completely unwillingly. Amy. My Amy. I have attempted to pust the thought of my two girls out of my head for so long. Why does it all have to come to the surface now.  
I take another look at the photo. Amy is quite heavily prenant here, it was about two days before Ava’s birth. It is the last photo ever taken of her. I thought I had lost it years ago. I can’t believe I had left it in Ava’s baby bag.  
“I’m not gonna tell Adam. But I do expect you to tell him eventually.” Sauli said.  
“Does Liz know?” He asked after a moment of silence.  
“I assume she knows I’ve been hiding a piece of my life from her though. She knows how much I love kids but always gives me a weird look every time I tell her that I don’t want any of my own. She then proceeds to tell me that I can tell her anything and she wont judge me. But I’m almost certain that she will. How can she not?”  
“Just talk to her Tommy. I’m sure she will understand. I’m sure you had a good reason to put Ava in that orphanage. Besides, if you didn’t give Ava to them then Adam and I wouldn’t be her parents now so I should really be thanking you.” Sauli told me sincerely.  
“Will you continue to let me see her?” I asked slightly of the answer.  
“I would never keep her from you. I don’t think I would be able to live with myself if I did. I will have to talk to Adam about this idea, but I was thinking that maybe you could give Ava weekly guitar lessons. That way you will be able to develop a good relationship with her in an area that way you can do something that you have in common.” Sauli suggested.  
“Yeah. I really wanna learn guitar properly. I played the song with dad at my old home when he took me to my new home.” Ava said excitedly.  
“I would love to give her lessons as long as it’s ok with Adam. This is so much more than I could ever possibly ask for.” I said in disbelief.  
Ava got up off the couch and ran over to me, eloping me in a tight hug.  
“I love you.” She said.  
“I love you too my angel.” I responded still teary.  
"Can we please go back to playing princess now please?" Ava asked hopefully.  
"Of course we can sweetheart." Sauli said, a huge smile on both of our faces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not to sure when the next chapter will be uploaded. Sorry guys :(


	12. Early Febuary 2012 (Part 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everyone for being so patient in waiting for an upload :D Decided to focus on my senior year at high school but now that I've graduated I will have more time for fanfiction :D

Early Febuary 2012 (Part 1)

I got off the plane to see my beautiful baby girl and my gorgeous boyfriend standing there waiting for me. Ava was sat on Sauli’s shoulders and as soon as she saw me she started bouncing and waving enthusiastically. I saw Sauli grimace as soon as she started bouncing. That mustn’t be very good for his back. Poor baby. I’ll have to give him a back rub later tonight.  
I walked over to them and lifted Ava off my lovers shoulders and put her onto my hip, kissing her temple.  
Sauli stood on his tip toes so that he could reach my lips in order to kiss me.  
“I missed you so much baby.” I whispered against his lips.  
“You missed me the mostest though!! Right dad??” Ava yelled excitedly into my ear.” Of course I missed you the moistest baby.” I said kissing her temple again.  
I shifter Ava onto my other hip then grabbed Sauli’s hand and he led us to the car.  
“Dad can you please sit in the back next to me?” My baby girl asked me as I buckled her into her car seat.  
“Sure sweetheart.” I told her.“  
I kissed Sauli quickly on the lips before walking around to the other side of the car and hopping in the back seat next to Ava.  
“Can I hold your hand all the way home dad? I really missed you lots and lots.”  
I reached over and grabbed Ava’s tiny little hand. I then leant over the front console and turned on the radio. The three of us sung along to pop hits all the way home.  
“So what did you guys do while I was in Germany?” I asked during dinner.  
We got home around 4 pm and Sauli started on dinner straight away. It was hard adjusting to dinner being at 5pm but with Ava’s bed time being so early it was necessary.   
“We went to Tommy’s house and built a giant castle.” She stretched her arms out as far as they could go to show me just how large the castle was.  
“Then we played fairy tale and Isa was the King and I was the princess and Tommy was the talking pet guard dragon. But it’s okay cause he was friendly to all the people that lived inside the castle so he wouldn’t have blowed fire at me or Isa.” She told me thinking she was reassuring any worries she assumed I had.  
“Well that’s good because I would hate for either of you to get hurt.” I said smiling.  
“I’m all finished.” Ava told us pointing at her empty bowl.   
“Good girl for eating it all.” Sauli told her grinning.  
Fuck he has the most gorgeous grin. I’m the luckiest son of a bitch to be with someone as perfect as him.  
Once we had tucked Ava into her bed and sung her to sleep Sauli and I began our nightly routine. All though it wasn’t the usual time that the two of us would go to bed but I was really tired and Sauli, being the angel that he is, offered to lie with me until I fell asleep. Seriously though, how did I manage to get such a perfect fucking boyfriend? I swear to God he is truly the most amazing and kind hearted person I have ever known.   
“Was the label upset that you cancelled the promotional tour?” Sauli asked me as I was removing my make-up.  
I was only wearing some concealer and eye-liner as it was just an airport day so I didn’t need anything heavy.  
“They were upset but they understood. My family needs to come first right now. And when I tell my fans about Ava I know they’ll understand too.” I assured my boyfriend.  
I threw the make-up wipes into the trash and then grabbed my toothbrush.   
“How are you planning on telling your fans about Ava anyway?” He asked curiously.  
I paused brushing my teeth in order to respond.  
“The label wants me to do a very controlled, boring, all the lines fed to me so I can’t screw up, press conference. But I want to introduce her properly. I want to introduce them to her the same way that she was introduced to me. You know. I don’t think it would be fair to the fans to do a force fed press conference.” I told him honestly.  
I began brushing my teeth again when I felt two arms rap around my waist.  
“I love you.” Sauli told me spinning me around so that I was facing him.  
His hands crept down my back until he was cupping my ass. I took the toothbrush out of my mouth and he started leaning forward.  
“Sauli babe, my mouth is full of toothpaste. We’re not going to kiss.” I told him firmly.  
Despite my complaints he pecked me on the lips anyway.  
“I have full faith that you will make the right decision and do what’s right for you Adam.” He said before letting me go and heading to bed so that I can finish up my routine.  
Once finished I crawled under the bed covers and snuggled up next to my love. He hitched one leg up draping it around my waist. His arm lay across my chest, bent at the elbow so that he could play with my hair. My eyes started to droop and I could feel myself falling asleep. Right as I was about to drift off there was a knock at the bedroom door.   
“Yeah sweetheart?” Sauli called out  
“Dads can I sleep with you?” Ava asked so quietly I was barely able to hear it.  
We both quickly reached under our pillows and grabbed the sleep pants that we kept there for Ava situations and pulled them on as Sauli called out to her.  
“Of course my angel. Come in.”  
Ava climbed onto the bed and crawled in between Sauli and myself.  
I kissed her head then leaned over and pecked Sauli on the lips before falling into a deep slumber.  
Ava started to violently shake in front of me.  
“Ava!” I screamed reaching out to her.  
But I couldn’t reach her. I tried to walk forward, to hold her in my arms but my legs refused to move. Her body began to deform. Her hair became short and blonde she began to age and grow taller and then her features became more masculine. It was the freakiest fucking thing I had ever seen in my life. After a good few minutes of her morphing I found myself looking into the eyes of Tommy.  
“Dad.” Tommy said but Ava’s voice came out.  
He began to repeat it over and over but I didn’t respond. Not even once. I couldn’t, I was in complete shock. What the fuck was happening. Where was my daughter?  
“Wake up dad!” Tommy yelled at me.  
My eyes fluttered open and I saw Ava’s face about an inch from my face.   
“Good morning.” She said sweetly.  
It’s just a dream. Thank God. I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy to see my daughter.   
“Isa and I made you breakfast in bed dad.” She said sounding extremely excited with a gigantic grin plastered on her face.  
“Oh wow. I’m so proud of you Ava.” I said.  
I sat up and looked over to the bedside table. On it was a plate that had spinach scrambled eggs and two pieces of semi burnt toast with butter on them. For the whole week since I’ve been home they’ve made me breakfast in bed every single day and it’s never been the same twice.   
“I toasted the toast all by myself.” She said sounding so proud while bouncing up and down on her knees net to me.  
“She was very helpful.” Sauli told me.  
He sat down next to me on the bed and gave me a short and sweet kiss good morning.  
“Mmmm. Morning love.” I said.  
I began picking at my breakfast, nervous about what I had to do today. Going behind my labels back and introducing Ava to my fans my way is what’s best though. Unfortunately it doesn’t make it any less scary. But my fans are good to me. I wouldn’t be anywhere without them. I owe it to them to introduce her authentically. I want my fans to not just see her but to really know her. I got a forkful of the eggs and put it onto the corner of the toast before taking a bite.  
“Is it yummy dad?” Ava asked me sweetly.  
“It’s delicious.” I told her.  
After breakfast we got dressed then the three of us cuddled on the couch in the lounge and watched Finding Nemo. Sauli was sat next to me cuddling into my side, my left arm firmly around his shoulders. Ava was curled up on my knee cuddling into my chest. I placed my right arm around her waist. Once the movie was finished we got our stuff together, got in the car and I drove them to the concert venue for sound check.  
Once we arrived Ava ran straight up to Tommy and gave him the biggest hug possible, then went around and quickly hugged the rest of the band members. I smiled at the scene. I couldn’t be happier that she got along so well with the band. I looked over to Sauli expecting to see an identical smile on his pretty lips but instead I saw a worried look on his face. Maybe he was just nervous about the show today. I walked over to him, wrapped my arms around his waist and pecked his lips.   
“Everything’s going to be fine.” I promised him.  
He relaxed in my arms and I kissed him once more.  
“Come on love birds. Let’s practice!” Isaac shouted at us from across the rehearsal studio.  
“Okay, calm your tits!” I told him stepping away from Sauli and heading to the mic stand.  
“Better than I know myself from the top.” I announced loud enough that everyone could hear me.  
Sauli and I talked about it and decided that I would bring Ava out during my debut of Broken English. We agreed that it just felt right to introduce her with that song because it is about the mental bond that ties the two of us together so it’s only right to use it to show the physical bond that ties the two of us together. We all went to our places and began the rehearsal.  
I ended up getting really nervous when the outdoor concert space began to fill. I really hoped my fans love Ava as much as my love and I do. I don’t know how I would take it if they didn’t. After I finished Trespassing I took a deep breath.  
“Hey guys. I have a new song for y’all.” I announced to the crowd.  
All my fans screamed in anticipation.  
“I will be preparing one of the songs on the album that I wrote. It’s called Broken English.”  
The screams from the audience got even louder and I heard a lot of people shouting out Sauli’s name. I guess the title sorta makes it obvious as to what it’s about.  
“There is a very special reason that I am premiering this song now.” I told them.  
“Sauli and I recently took a huge step forward in our relationship and we would really like to share it with you.”  
They screamed louder than I had ever heard fans scream before. From the words I could pick out everyone in the crowd assumed Sauli and I are engaged. While they were all coming to false conclusions in regards to my announcement the stage crew brought out two stools for Ava and I to sit on. They placed her tiny, kid size guitar next to her stool.  
“Can Sauli play guitar?” I heard someone from the audience call out.  
“Well the guitar is the right size for him.” Someone else shouted as a joke.  
I looked to the wings where my two favourite people were standing and nodded at Sauli to bring Ava out. I watched as Sauli nervously grabbed Ava’s hand. He took a large, deep breath before walking onto stage with her. Ava sat down on the stool and looked out to the audience, who looked very confused at the sight of Ava, but she refused to let go of Sauli’s hand.  
“I don’t want you to go Isa. I want to be next to both of you.” She told him with big puppy dog eyes.  
Sauli looked over to the crew pleadingly and luckily they figured out what the problem was and brought out a stool for him too. So we all sat in a line, with Ava in between the two of us. Ava finally let go of Sauli’s hand so that she could pick up her guitar from next to her stool and place it on her knee. I could tell she was scared so I leant down and whispered in her ear.  
“It’s gonna be okay sweetheart. They’re gonna love you and you’re gonna be amazing.”  
“Thanks dad. Thanks Isa.” She whispered.  
“Guys, this is Ava.” I told the audience.  
There were quite a few greetings called out to her from my fans and a heck of a lot of excited screaming.  
“Late last year Sauli and I made the decision to adopt a child. So a month ago we went to an orphanage and came home with Ava. She’s amazing and I hope you will all love Ava as much as we do.”  
And with that the band started playing, Ava following their lead. I looked over to my family before smiling and singing the first line of Broken English.


	13. Early February 2012 (Part 2)

I couldn't be prouder of Ava once the song had finished. I couldn't be prouder of our family in general. It's still so weird for me to think about. I have a family of my own. I looked across to them, tears welling in my eyes. Adam looked straight at my. His eyes also glossy with wetness.  
"I love you sippa." I said remaining eye contact with him.  
The mic must have picked my comment because the audience awed.  
"I love you too my angel." Adam said making me forget the crowd.  
We were thrown into a moment where we were the only two people in this earth. Completely forgetting where we were or who was with us I began to lean in for a kiss. Right before our lips met though, Ava snatched the microphone from Adam.  
"You may think that they saying that to each other but really they saying it to me. I know cause nana Leila says to me. She says 'your daddies only got eyes for you Ava.'"  
Adam began to laugh which caused me to laugh with him.  
"Of course we love you the most." Adam said to her.  
I leaned over and kissed her temple as Adam took the mic back from her."  
Yes folks, I now have two firecrackers. Adam told the audience.  
"Unfortunately this was a one of performance guys. While we will be performing this song again, Ava will be watching from the sidelines next time as I have no interest in making her a child performer."  
There was clear disappointment from the audience.  
"Ava say goodbye to the fans" He said to her.  
She lent into the mic.  
"Goodbye glamberts. Enjoy the show.  
There were goodbyes screamed out from the audience. I heard one fan scream out.  
"We don't mind if they stay and look pretty."  
Adam obviously heard them too cause he chuckled then responded.  
"Ava has to go home for her nap."  
Ava leaned over to the microphone.  
"Dad only thinks I'm sleeping. Really I'm tepor..teleting..um that words really hard. I'm travelling to a magical world were vampires walk around."  
Adam turned around and playfully glared at Tommy, knowing it was his influence. Tommy responded by holding up his hands in mock surrender.  
The stage crew came onto the stage as I was standing up. I grabbed Ava's hand and she stood up too. As we left the stage we were followed by the crew who were holding our chairs and equipment. As soon as we were off the stage Ava started running.  
"I'm gonna be the fastest and beat you to the car Isa." She screamed back at me.  
I started jogging after her making sure not to over take her. As we approached the car I yelled out to her to slow down. She didn't listen to me though and ran face forward into the back door. She started crying immediately and I sprinted over to her and pulled her into a tight hug.  
"It hurts." She managed to blubber out through her snot and tears.  
"Shhhh. It's okay baby. Isa's got you."  
"Can we please go home now?" She asked me shakily.  
"Yeah baby. We're going home now." I said patting the back of her head in what I hope was a soothing way.  
It must of worked cause her breathing began to even out and she wiped her face on me. Rubbing all the tears ands snot onto my T-shirt. Oh the joys of parenting. I stood up, unlocked the door and fastened her into her car seat. The first few minutes of the car ride was filled with my verbally comforting Ava as she quietly sniffled and sobbed.  
"Do you wanna listen to some music?" I asked her after a while.  
I looked back in time to see her nod her head.  
"Can we please listen to Auntie Scarlett's songs?" She requested.  
I pulled over to the side of the road then plugged my ipod into the stereo. I found Labor of Love then pressed play.  
I began diving again as soon as 'Little Butterfly' came pouring out of the speakers filling the car. By the time 'Everything' came on Ava's tears were forgotten and the two of us were singing along loudly, though I know I was also singing along very badly. We arrived home half way through 'Fierce Mama'. I parked the car in the garage, then got out, opened Ava's door and unbuckled her seat belt. I unlocked the house door and Ava ran straight upstairs. I hope to her bedroom. I climbed the stairs after her but unfortunately didn't find her in her room. Paska! This means that it's gonna be difficult getting her to go down for her nap.  
"Ava" I called out hoping that she would respond.  
When she didn't respond I began looking for her. I first checked in Adam and I's bedroom. When I didn't find her in there I tried or ensuit. As soon as I opened the door to the ensuit I heard a giggle from behind me. I turned to see Ava running down the stairs. I realised straight away that she was playing games.  
"Come on Ava. It's your nap time. You know that."  
"Nope. You have to catch me first Isa." She yelled from somewhere in the bottom story of the house.  
I wont be playing any games until after your nap Ava. I refuse to come look for you."  
I went into her room and sat down on the end of her bed making my stand. I waited patiently, knowing full well that if I went to look for her then it will cause her to continue the behavior next nap time. After 5 minutes with no response from her I called out again.  
"Ava, I'm serious. If your not in your bed by the time I count to 10 we wont be getting ice-cream tonight like we normally do on Fridays."  
I waited for a few seconds, but when I didn't hear any signs of movement I began to count.  
"1...2...3...4...5" I yelled out.  
I seemed strange that there was still no movement. Normally when Adam or myself started the countdown she would be headed to her room by now.  
"6...7...8...9...10"  
There was still no response which was strange but I had to stick with what I said.  
"Ok Ava. You had your chance but you didn't listen so now there will be no ice-cream as a consequence."  
It felt so weird having to punish Ava. Neither of us have ever had to punish her before. Maybe something is wrong. Maybe she's still upset from crashing into the car earlier. I decided to ignore one of the few things I had learnt so far from our parenting courses and I descended the stairs in search for her. After a while of searching I finally found her curled up in a ball behind the couch in the lounge fast asleep. She looked so cute. She must of fallen asleep in the long silence before I gave her the warning. Do I still punish her if she didn't hear my warning? I looked down at my little girl. Awwww. I cant punish that. She looked far to adorable.  
I lifted her up, cradling her in my arms and carried her up the stairs to her room. I placed her in her bead before pulling up the duvet to her shoulders.  
"Sleep tight my angel. I love you." I said before kissing her forehead.  
I went into the kitchen and made myself a tea. Once it was made I grabbed the book I was currently reading and went out to the back yard and sat on one of the deck chairs next to the pool. I opened my book and began to read. Enjoying the feel of the sun beating down on me.  
I felt a pair of lips press against my forehead.  
"I love you so much." I heard Adam whisper.  
My eyes fluttered open. Adam was crouched down looking at me, a smile on his lips and love in his eyes. He brought a hand up to cup my neck and with the pad of his thumb, began stroking my cheek.  
"Did you have a nice nap love. The weather looks perfect for it."  
"mmhmm" I mumbled leaning into the touch, still not fully awake.  
Shit. Nap. I bolted upright, startling Adam.  
"Oh my god. I'm so sorry. Where is she? Is she okay? I can't believe I fell asleep. I'm such a bad father." I said all at once.  
"Hey, don't talk like that. You did nothing wrong." Adam told me sternly.  
"You are a great father. Never doubt yourself. Ava's fine she woke up and saw that you were sleeping so she went into the lounge and watched cartoons. She didn't want to disturb you." He tried to assure me.  
"I should have been there for her when she woke up. I shouldn't leave a child unattended like that." I rambled.  
Adam crushed his lips to mine in what I was guessing was an attempt to shut me up. Once Adam pulled back and rested his forehead against mine, I realised he had been successful.  
"You are not a bad father Sauli. You are here for that girl through thick and thin. Just think of it like in the morning. She always wakes up before us and goes downstairs to watch tv till we get up. We aren't bad parents then so why would you be a bad parent now? It's the exact same situation except at a different time of the day." He explained making me feel so much better.  
"Thank you Adam. I love you. You really do male me a better person." I told him sincerely.  
"You make me a better person too babe. You're my inspiration. I love you so, so much." Adam said to me, his eyes twinkling with love.  
"Thank you sippa."  
We both gradually leaned our heads together until our lips met. We shared a passionate and loving kiss. We were gasping for breath once the two of us finally pulled apart. Once our breathing had calmed I told Adam about We decided to go inside to see what Ava was watching. Ava was sitting on the couch in the lounge just as Adam had said. She was watching Loony Toons. She looked at us as we entered the room.  
"Did you have a good sleep isa?"  
"I did. Thank you for asking. How was yours?"  
"Amazing! I had a dream that there was a princess and she was the most beautiful girl in the world. But she was made entirely of chocolate. And she lived in this giant, humongous castle that was made fully of marshmallows." She informed me.  
"That sounds so cool! I wish we lived in a giant marshmallow castle." Adam said excitedly.  
"Me too. I'm hungry." She said.  
I got the hint and began towards the kitchen.  
"I'll start on dinner." I called out.  
As I was walking away I heard Adam tell Ava  
"You know it was while your isa was cooking dinner that we decided to adopt you."  
"That's so cool." She said in response right as I disappeared from earshot.  
I smiled as I entered the kitchen and then began to prepare dinner. After about 10 minutes I heard the patter of footsteps behind me. I turned around to see Adam and Ava standing there.  
"Can we help you?" Ava asked sweetly.  
I found them both something useful to do. I got Ava rinsing the peeled potatoes in the sink, she stood on the kitchen stool so she could reach them, and I got Adam cutting them into quarters.  
I grinned from ear to ear as we worked together to make dinner as a family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love reading your comments :)


	14. Authors Note

After Adam and Sauli's break up I lost all inspiration for this story. I tried so many times to write it but it was useless.   
However, their recent romantic getaway in Mexico made me so happy I couldn't stop writing.  
I have finished the entire story now and will be uploading the last few chapters once a week.  
Thank you all for your continued support. I hope the last 4 chapters have been worth the wait.


	15. September 2013 – Tommy POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a bit of a time leap from 2012 to 2013.

“Daddy, daddy” she called.  
I began to sir with the sound of my little girl’s voice.  
“Daddy, wake up.” Ava said, her voice filled with excitement.  
My eyes flittered open. The clock on my bed side table read 5:37am. I would be upset if it weren’t for the fact that my favourite girl was standing in front of me, a giant grin on her face.  
“Good morning princess.” I muttered groggily.  
“School today.” She said, way too loudly for this hour of the morning.  
Of course. How could I have forgotten that today was her first day of school. That explained the early morning enthusiasm. She had been talking about nothing but school for the past month. Sometimes I really question her relation to me. There is no way that someone with my DNA could be this bubbly and excitable, especially about school. If it weren’t for the fact that she has my upturned nose I may not have believed she was mine. I pushed the covers off me and swung my legs over the side of the bed. She grabbed my hand and pulled me to the kitchen. My feet dragging and my eyes half closed. I bumped into a few objects, despite her best effort to guide me. I flicked on the kettle and scooped a few large spoonfuls of coffee into the plunger knowing I would need at least a cupful of coffee before I could begin to think straight let alone function. I poured the boiling water into the plunger as Ava sat at one of the stools at the kitchen counter.  
“So what do you want for breakfast?” I asked her, even though I knew perfectly well what the answer would be.  
“Waffles with berries.” She said unsurprisingly.  
It was her favourite breakfast. I always made it for her on special occasions and I thing her first day of school was a pretty special occasion. Luckily for me it was also my favourite breakfast. I poured the freshly brewed coffee into my cup and took a huge gulp then grabbed the premade waffles out of the freezer. I wasn’t nearly skilled enough in the kitchen to make them from scratch. But Ava didn’t seem to mind. I began to cook the waffles finishing of my coffee before pouring myself another.  
“Can I try some coffee daddy?”  
“Of course you can... when you’re eighteen.”  
“You’re so mean daddy.”  
The moment I set the plate of waffles on the dining room table Liz walked into the room, wiping sleep out of her eyes. I gave her a quick peck on her lips as I handed her a cup of coffee, knowing she’d need it as much as I did. Ava chatted happily all the way through breakfast. She told us all about how awesome her first day of school was going to be and about all the cool friends she would make. I sat back and grinned at the picture perfect scene in front of me; the woman of my dreams sitting on my side and my beautiful daughter across from us. Life doesn’t get much better than this. And god I have turned into such a fucking sap.  
After breakfast Ava went off to her room to get dressed for school and Liz and I cleared the table. As I was loading the dishwasher there was a knock at the front door. I walked down the hall and opened the door, curious as to who the hell thought it would be a good idea to bug us this early in the am.  
Adam and Sauli stood on the doorstep, furious looks on their faces.  
“Give her back Tommy. She’s ours.” Sauli spat out at me.  
“You gave her away. You didn’t want her. You didn’t love her.” Adam told me heartlessly.  
“Ava sweetie, it’s time to come home.” Sauli said, pushing past me to get in the house.  
Moments later he was back, Ava in tow.  
“You’re never gonna see her again.” Adam said as they walked back to where they were parked.  
I tried to run after them, tried to scream out. But I was frozen where I stood and no sound would leave my lips.  
I sat bolt upright, sweat pooling on my forehead, tears filling my eyes. I could hear myself panting heavily in the silence of the room.  
Liz woke up and began rubbing my back soothingly. I pulled her into a hug and cried silently into her shoulder, my tears seeping through her night shirt.  
“Today will be her first day of school.” I whispered into her neck.  
She knew exactly what was wrong so didn’t need to ask. I’d been having similar nightmares on and off for the past year, ever since Adam found out that I was Ava’s biological father. He probably would have handled it a lot better if I had of been the one to tell him. But unfortunately I was too much of a coward to come clean. Sauli, after countless warnings finally told Adam the truth because he was sick of all the lies. To say Adam was mad was the understatement of the century. He told me that he felt betrayed. That he hated me for lying to him and that I was a horrible friend because I deceived him to get to Ava who was to quote Adam “HIS daughter”. He told me that if I had of just told him the truth we could have made it work. Could have sorted out some kind of arrangement so that I could be a part of her life, but because I lied to him he booted me from the band, which was fair enough given the circumstances. Then he banned me from ever seeing Ava again.  
Now all I get are paparazzi pictures of Ava out and about with Adam and Sauli. I really screwed up big time and in the process lost the only chance I had of ever getting to know my daughter.


	16. Late October 2013 – Sauli’s POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks guys for sticking by me after such a long hiatus!! Means the world :)

Late October 2013 – Sauli’s POV

Adam’s Halloween craze had only gotten worse since Ava arrived. The two of them are just as bad as each other. The first weekend of October they redecorated the entire house top to bottom. There were cobwebs in every corner, sculls on every surface and ghosts hanging from the ceiling. He even changed the light bulbs in some of the rooms to red bulbs in order to give the rooms a more spooky effect. But despite all the decorations, the house didn’t look tacky. The two of them had done an incredible job and the house actually looked quite scary. Especially when you need to get up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and all you can see are glowing eyes and realistic looking dead bodies in the bathtub. I mean, I like Halloween but we don’t really go all out in Finland so I’m still getting used to it. But I do love it, and one day maybe even as much as them.  
Every weekend we have been doing Halloween themed activities. The first weekend they decorated the house, l0ast weekend we went shopping for our costumes. We decided to go with an Alice in Wonderland themed outfits. Adam would be the Mad Hatter, Ava would be Alice. I got to choose between all the rest of the characters. I’m pretty sure Adam secretly wanted me to go as the Queen of Hearts but unfortunately for him I chose to be the White Rabbit. And I must I personally think I look quite dashing in my waistcoat.  
And this weekend our fun Halloween activity is pumpkin carving. Adam had gotten up at the crack of dawn this morning to go get the three largest pumpkins from the market for us. It was so early that he was home before Ava and I had even woken up. And now we are all sitting around the circular table on the deck, buckets sitting at our feet for the waste. We were sat with Adam on the left of me and Ava to the right of me but spaced so that I couldn’t see what either of them was carving. Adam was sat close to Ava so that he could help her when needed. We each got a pen and a knife so that we could draw out our designs before we started carving. Though we decided Ava was too young to do her own cutting so Adam was gonna do it for her once she had finished her design. I had offered to help as well but Adam had insisted that had to be a surprise for at least one of us.  
I began to draw what I hoped to be a scary looking eyes and mouth. There was a lot of laughing and chatting and it was shaping up to be a really great day. There was no better experience for me than just hanging out at home with Adam and our baby girl. After a while I began to get peckish, my stomach making somewhat unflattering noises.  
“I’m going to get some snacks. You guys want anything to drink while I’m in the kitchen?” I asked them as I was standing up.  
“I would kill for a coconut water thanks love.” Adam answered.  
“Me too please Isa.” Ava said still concentrating hard on whatever she was drawing on her pumpkin.  
“Okay, I’ll be right back with them. No peeking at my work though” I said cheekily pointing at Ava which made her giggle.  
I walked into the kitchen, and then began searching for something to eat. I ended up chopping up come carrot and celery sticks then grabbed a packet of kale chips and guacamole to go with them. As I was pouring the three cups of coconut water I took a glance out the window. Adam and Ava were whispering to each other. At first I thought aww how cute but then it sunk in that they are probably up to something, which made me a little nervous. Though to be fair those two are always up to something. I put everything onto a tray then took it out to the table.  
“Thank you love. I’d kiss you but I wouldn’t want to risk you seeing my master piece.” Adam said, raising his eyebrows suggestively.  
Ava was still giggling suspiciously. I had to check my pumpkin to make sure they hadn’t done anything to it. They hadn’t, but I kind of wished they had as right now it looks more like a constipated clown that anything scary. I looked at them quizzically hoping one of them would spill, but of course neither of them was offering any clues. I guess I’ll figure it out eventually.  
Adam kept fidgeting and it was very distracting so I was very grateful when we had all completed our pumpkins. We each put in our tea light candles. Adam lit Ava’s for her. It wasn’t dark so it wouldn’t be nearly as effective but it was still better than nothing.  
“Isa you show us yours first. Then I’ll show mine and then daddy can show his okay.” Ava told me assertively.  
I turned my pumpkin around, highly embarrassed by how it turned out. I’m definitely not an artist, but it was fun and that’s what counts.  
“That’s a very cool clown isa.” Ava said looking at my pumpkin with her head tilted to the side.  
Adam on the other hand was trying his best not to double over in hysterics.  
“It’s very....interesting” Adam told me, trying to hold back his laughter.  
“You are very lucky I love you Adam. But go ahead and laugh. You’re up next.” I said, sass showing through my voice.  
“Nope. I’m next remember.” Ava said, a stern voice on her face.  
I pointed my index and middle finger at my eyes then pointed at Adam in a silly ‘I’m watching you’ gesture. Adam just blew me a kiss in response. Cute bastard.  
Ava coughed to get our attention back onto her. She turned around her pumpkin to show me revealing the words ‘MY DAD’ in block capitals. Underneath was a love heart. A grin broke onto my face.  
“That’s very beautiful Ava. You’re quite the artist aren't you.”  
“Thank you isa. Now it’s daddies turn.”  
She began giggling again. Her smile reaching from ear to ear. This must have been what they had been whispering about. I suddenly became nervous as to what Adam was about to reveal to me.  
Adam slowly turned his pumpkin around. Instead of some goofy caricature like I was half expecting, in block capitals was the word ‘MARRY’. I looked at it quizzically, not quite understanding. It wasn’t until I looked back at Ava’s that I understood. My eye’s began to flick back and forth between the two pumpkins. Oh my God. It was right there black and white... or black and orange I guess. ‘MARRY DAD’. My eyes began filling with tears. I looked back at Adam, but he was no longer seated on his chair. Instead he was knelt on one knee on the ground at my feet. The way he looked up at me, the light hitting him at the perfect angle, a smile adorning his face. He really was the most beautiful man in the world and I truly felt like the luckiest man alive. He held a velvet ring box in his hand. Inside were two stunning identical engagement rings. They were silver bands with a line of black diamonds running through the middle. They were absolutely perfect.  
“Sauli Eeric Koskinen” Adam began with perfect pronunciations.  
I brought my hand up covering my mouth and blinked back the tears that were threatening to fall.  
“I love you more than the world itself. You are my light. You are my air. You inspire me in ways I never knew possible and understand me better than anyone one else has ever been capable of. I can’t imagine a world where I don’t get to wake up next to you every day. We already have the most beautiful daughter in the world and I want to be able to tell everyone that a have the most beautiful husband in the world. So will you please do me the honour of marrying me?”  
The tears began to flow freely from my eyes. There was no stopping them now. This was one of the happiest days of my life, second only to adopting Ava. I began to imagine a life with Adam and I honestly couldn't think of anything better. I had obviously been quiet too long because Adam began to freak out. He stood up and placed the ring box on the table then began pacing and rambling.  
“Sauli? Fuck this was a bad idea. I’m sorry. This was stupid. Let’s just pretend I didn't just do that. We can go back to how things were.”  
He was talking too fast and I couldn’t get a word in. I ended up screaming for him to shut up.  
He stopped and looked at me.  
“No Adam. Gah, I mean, no it’s not stupid.”  
I grabbed his hand and pulled him down so he sat on my lap.  
“Yes of course I will marry you. I love you so, so much.”  
I put my hand behind his neck and pulled him into a bruising kiss. I could feel Ava’s small arms snake around us. I broke apart from Adam and rested my forehead against his. I wrapped an arm around Ava’s shoulder, feeling so blessed and happy.  
“I love you both so much.” I whispered.  
“I love you both too. You are the best daddies in the whole entire universe. And I’m really, really, really happy you guys are gonna get married. But because I know you are both a bit too nervous to ask, I’ll make it easy. Yes I would love to be your flower girl.”  
Adam and I both began to laugh lightheartedly at her antics.  
“Well I’m happy to hear that Ava. I really had no clue how I was going to ask you.” Adam said then kissed the top of her head.  
Ava grabbed the ring box and placed it in Adams hand.  
“I think you need these.” She told him sweetly.  
“I had ‘OOFTA’ engraved on the inside of them. I was thinking they could double as the wedding bands.” He told me as he slipped one onto my ring finger.  
“They are beautiful Adam. So perfect for us.”  
I put the other one onto his finger before pulling him in for another kiss.  
“I love you so much Sauli.”  
“I love you too Adam.”


	17. November 2013 – Tommy POV - Pt 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can't believe next week will be the final chapter. Thank you all so much for reading!!

November 2013 – Tommy POV - Pt 1

Band practice was dragging on. Ravi was kind enough to take me on full time as his guitarist after Adam dropped me. It didn’t pay nearly as well as Adam but I got to be on stage and that was my happy place. I didn’t really care how big the crowd was or how much we got paid so long as I could pay my bills, so long as I had my guitar. But today for some reason I just wasn’t feeling it. I had woken up on the wrong side of the bed and the day had been shit ever since. I kept fucking up the chords and the band was getting as frustrated with me as I was with myself.  
“Guys this isn’t working. Let’s just call it a day. Everyone get a good night’s sleep and we’ll meet back here same time tomorrow.” Ravi called out to us.  
I felt gutted that I had impacted the band like this but still readily unplugged my guitar and began to pack up my shit.  
“Tommy, what’s up?” Ravi asked as he walked over to me.  
“I’m real sorry dude. I swear I’ll be better tomorrow. Just been one of those days you know.”  
“I understand just make sure you’re at the top of your game tomorrow. We got a paying gig in two days and we can’t afford to fuck it up.” He replied before walking away to pack up his mics.  
I rushed out to the car park as soon as everything was packed up. I just wanted to get home, crack open a nice cold beer and curl up on the couch with my girl. When I finally arrived home I found Liz on the couch reading a book with a trashy celeb news gossip show playing on the tv.  
“You wanna beer babe?” I asked as I walked into the kitchen.  
“I’ve got a wine, thanks though.” Liz answered.  
I threw my keys onto the counter and got a beer from the fridge. Flicking the lid into the trash can I walked back to the living room and curled into Liz’s side on the couch. She kissed my temple and wrapped an arm around my shoulders.  
“Rough day?” She asked clearly sensing my tension.  
“Kept screwing up at practice among other things. Band wasn’t too happy ‘bout it. I really hate myself for letting everyone down like that.”  
I took a swig of my beer. Cause you know, when in doubt get shit faced drunk.  
“Babe, you are one of the best guitarists I know. You are allowed an off day every now and again. Everyone gets them. I’m sure tomorrow you’ll be on point.”  
She pulled my chin up towards her and planted a chaste kiss on my lips.  
“I love you Tommy Joe, now stop worrying.”  
“I love you too Liz.”  
I gave her another quick kiss then turned my attention back to the TV. They were talking about some Kardashian drama that I honestly couldn’t care less about.  
“Do we have to watch this shit?” I asked before getting up to get another beer.  
“No, was mainly just background noise. I’ll put on a DVD.”  
When I got back to the living room the tile screen for ‘Interview with a Vampire’ was on the tele. I swear I have the best girlfriend ever! I lay down on the couch resting my head on her lap and she started playing with my hair.  
“Love you Liz.” I mumbled into her knee.  
“Love you too Tommy Joe.”  
By the time the movie had finished I had started on the whisky and was beginning to feel a little buzzed. I went to take out the DVD but the moment I stood up I felt dizzy and stumbled forward a few steps before falling back onto the couch. Okay so maybe I was a little more than buzzed. Liz decided she’d better be the one to put the DVD away. Once Liz pulled out the DVD the TV went back to the ET channel that was on prior to the movie, forcing me to listen to some overly chirpy woman reporting on Justin Beiber’s latest escapades as if somebody actually cared. Not wanting to listen to this bullshit any longer than necessary, I reached for the remote to change the channel.  
“Pop star Adam Lambert announced his engagement to boyfriend of 3 years Sauli Koskinen today on the Ellen Show. It’s all very sweet. They are such a cute couple. I’m really happy for them. Adam said he carved the proposal into a pumpkin on Halloween. The pair have kept their engagement a secret for the past month only telling their closest family and friends until now.”  
A picture of Adam with Sauli and Ava appeared on the screen behind the presenters.  
I turned off the TV, poured the last of the whisky into my cup and downed it in one shot.  
“Tommy, baby, are you alright?”  
“Of course I’m alright. Why wouldn't I be? Adam’s only got a beautiful family. He’s getting married. Has a daughter, my daughter. I don’t know why you think I wouldn't be okay.”  
I got up and went and got my keys from the counter. I headed to the front door, stumbling a bit on my way.  
“Please don’t drive Tommy. You’re completely wasted.” Liz pleaded.  
“Mmnot drunk. Just need fresh air.” I mumbled out.  
I slammed the front door behind me. I really didn't want to listen to her trying to reason with me right now. I just needed to get as far away from here as possible. To go somewhere I didn’t recognise so that I could forget myself for a night. I got into the car and started trying to shove the gear-stick around attempting to get it into drive before remembering I had to put the keys in. After several attempts at trying to get the stupid car to start I finally managed to get the car out of the driveway.  
My phone had been ringing since I left the house. Couldn't they get the fucking message that I didn't wanna talk to anyone right now. I reached over to the passenger seat to turn off my cell, but in doing so I lost control of the car. Next thing I knew I was flying through the air upside down. Then everything went blank.


	18. November 2013 – Tommy POV - Pt 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so not ready for this to end. This story has really been a journey and a half. I started it in my lunch times at high school and here we are 3 years later and I'm turning 20 next week. I feel like I'm finishing one chapter of my life in order to start the next!  
> Thank you all so much for keeping reading this story and supporting me through this journey, especially after such a long hiatus. Reading all your lovely comments has been such a treat. I hope you all enjoy the final chapter!!

November 2013 – Tommy POV - Pt 2

“Is he going to be okay doctor?” I heard a familiar voice say.   
“He seems to be responding to treatment. Unfortunately the longer he stays asleep the more likely the chances of permanent damage are.   
I could feel someone holding my hand. Another, much smaller hand was shaking my shoulder.   
“Tommy can you hear me. Tommy it’s time to wake up now because the sun is up.”  
It was Ava. Ava’s here. I need to wake up. I need to see her. I tried to open my eyes, tried to move, tried to talk. But no matter how hard I tried my body just wouldn’t cooperate.  
“Ava sweetheart, we need to go home now. Tommy needs his rest. We can come back when he is awake.”  
No. He couldn’t take her away. I need to see her. This may be my last chance. I tried to scream after them but nothing left my lips. I was getting incredibly frustrated with myself. I focused really hard and finally managed to force my eyes open. Everything was very bright and very blurry. I could make out shadows but not enough detail to make out who was who.   
“Tommy. Babe, I’m so glad you’re awake.” Liz said, her words getting choked up in her throat.  
Her voice was right next to my ear, she must be the one grasping my hand.  
“Doctor, he’s awake.” Someone yelled.  
“Guys, he’s gonna be alright.”  
“Daddy can we please stay now that Tommy is awake?”  
I looked over to where Ava’s voice was coming from. I rapidly blinked a few times and it greatly helped clear my vision. She was stood in front of Adam watching me. He had one hand placed on her shoulder and his other was wrapped lovingly around Sauli’s waist. I hated to admit it but they looked like a picture perfect loving family. Didn’t mean I wasn’t feeling extreme amounts of jealousy. But I do have to remember that I put Ava up for adoption so I have no one to blame but myself. And I guess I’m lucky that she went to someone with a heart as big as Adam’s. She could have been placed with a horrible, unloving family.  
“Of course angel. We just have to stay out of the way okay.” Adam told her.  
I met Ava’s eyes and gave her a smile. She grinned back at me but the moment was ruined by the doctor demanding my attention.  
“Tommy, I need you to answer a few questions for me. Can you tell me what year it is?”  
I opened my mouth to respond but my mouth was too dry and I couldn’t get any words to come out. Next thing I knew a straw was being placed at my lips.  
“Have some water babe.” Liz said, sensing my dilemma.  
I began to drink and felt better automatically.  
“2013” I answered my voice a little shaky.  
“That’s good. Can you tell me when your birthday is?”  
“October 18, 1981”  
“Very good. Now Tommy you’ve been asleep for 2 days. Do you have any memory of what happened?”  
I answered all the questions the Doctor had for me. I wanted the interrogation to be over as soon as possible. I just wanted to talk to Ava. Once the doctor had finally finished assessing me and left my hospital room, Adam came over and sat on the end of the bed facing me.   
“Guys, can we have a minute?” I asked the room, knowing Adam and I needed to have a serious conversation. The room cleared out quickly. Once it was just me and Adam, he reached over and grabbed my hand.  
“I was so worried about you glitterbaby. Promise me you will never do that again.”  
“I promise. Thank you for being here babyboy.”  
We both chuckled at the reappearance of our long lost nicknames. I knew then, in the pit of my stomach that everything was gonna be okay. Didn’t mean I wasn’t still shit scared of whatever he was about to say to me.  
“Thank you for bringing her.” I added quietly.  
“It was wrong of me to take her away from you. I see that now. I was just so scared of losing her. She knows you’re her birth father. She knew before Sauli and I did. I convinced myself that she would love you more than me and that I would lose her if she spent time with you. I was scared that she would choose you over us. I am so sorry Tommy, can you ever forgive me?”  
I could see the tears leaking out of the corner of his eyes. I couldn’t bear seeing him like that. Adam was like a brother to me and it hurt me to see him cry. I slowly sat up, wincing a bit at the pain that shot up my spine. I wrapped my arms around him eloping him in a strong hug. I could feel his tears seeping into my hospital gown and could hear his quiet sobs. It was blatantly obvious how much he loved her. I pulled back and cupped his cheek, wiping his tears away with my thumb.  
“Ava is your daughter Adam. Yours and Sauli’s. I created her, but you loved her. Nothing will ever change that. Have you seen the way she looks at you both? She completely idolizes you. You and Sauli will always be her dads. No matter how much time I spend with Ava, I will always be the guy that gave her away and you will always be the guy that saved her. The guy that choose her over everyone else and in return she will always choose you.”  
I dropped my hand onto my lap. It was the truth and I knew it, but god it hurt to admit it. I began to feel my own tears trickle down my cheeks. What came out of my mouth next surprised me though.  
“I’ll be honest with you Adam, I’ve spent the last year fantasising about what it would be like to really be her dad. I wanted so badly to take her from you and Sauli and keep her for myself. But seeing her today, with you both, I realised that what I really want, more than anything else, is just to be a part of her life. And I’d be really happy to just be her uncle Tommy, if that’s okay with you?”  
“I think I can handle that.” He said a smile spreading across his face.  
“Can I see her?” I asked nervously.  
“Of course. I’ll go get her. And Sauli too. We should probably let him know what’s happening.”  
Adam went to the door and began talking to someone in the hallway, presumably Sauli. Suddenly Ava ran into the room, flying at me. Adam and Sauli followed her at a much slower pace. Ava jumped onto my bed and pulled me into a hug. I was so grateful to be holding her in my arms I didn’t even care about the pain.  
“Be careful of your uncle Tommy. He’s still very sore from the crash.” Adam said to her.  
“How have you been my darling girl? How do you like your first year at school so far?” I asked her.  
As she told me every last detail of everything that has happened in the past year, I knew that everything was gonna turn out alright.


End file.
